Word to the wise: If you have to choose between a watching a UFC event and a night out with your girl who doesn’t like or appreciate MMA, choose the girl. You can always read about the UFC results later at scifighting.com.
But, if you are one of those guys who just insists on combining your love life with your MMA life, be prepared for the consequences: Eventually your girl will probably get bored, or worse, wonder why your arms aren’t as large as Alistair Overeem’s.
For the brave, and foolish, soul who insists on forcing his UFC-hating girlfriend to watch the next big fight alongside him, here’s some advice on how to stop her from running like the wind into the arms of the next guy who is smart enough to DVR the event and watch it later.
5. Tell Her She’s Much Prettier Than Arianny Celeste and Brittney Palmer
Don’t fawn over the Octagon girls. Nothing says amateur like a guy who goes on and on about a girl on TV, when there’s one at your side. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. It’s best to not even acknowledge them when on-screen. It’s between rounds anyway. None of your attention should be on the 50-inch flat screen. All of it should be on your honey.
4. Make Sure There Are Other Girls Are At The Party Too
If you’re watching it in public or with a group of friends, make sure you make it a double date with at least one of your buddies and his UFC-hating girlfriend. That’s solid gold bonding time for the girls. Besides, the last thing you want to do is take your dolled-up girlfriend to a UFC event and have her feel like she’s the last egg roll on the appetizer plate. When every drunk, obnoxious wannabe MMA fighter is harassing her all night even your best efforts to try and convince her that it was a good idea to come won’t work. Remember, no one wants to feel like they are in a zoo being watched by spectators, so make sure at least one of your buddies brought his girlfriend too so she has someone to hang out with while your screaming at Jon Jones to “FINISH HIM.”
3. Who’s Miesha Tate?
It’s best to act like you didn’t even know women were fighting on the card. “Who’s Miesha Tate? Ronda Rousey? Never heard of her.” Remember those lines! The last thing you want is for your girlfriend to think this whole time you’ve been watching girls rolling around on a mat. Once she sees Tate in her pseudo 21st century amazonian UFC warrior princess getup, she’s definitely not gonna even want to hear about her amazing ground game. (And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t even think of mentioning the word BJJ and Meisha Tate or Ronda Rousey in the same sentence, or paragraph for that matter.)
2. Don’t Try To Give Her A Quick History Of The UFC or MMA
Please, don’t go into how “Anderson Silva used to be the best in the world, but started goofing around and got knocked out by Chris Weidman, which ruined the dream fight between Silva and this guy named Georges St-Pierre who just retired after he got a lucky decision against Johny Hendricks.” Yeah, don’t even go there. It’s bad enough you dragged her to a UFC event and forced her to listen to that guy from “Fear Factor” all night. She doesn’t need a 2014 review. If she’s made it this far and isn’t texting all her friends to tell them what a douche bag you are by now, you’re probably golden but just to be sure, remember this last rule:
1. Luke Rockhold
Nothing diffuses the tension of jealousy, insecurity or just plain boredom than a little reverse psychology. She might have seen through your act trying to pawn off the ring girls as amateurs with no game and the ladies in the Octagon who are bumping, bruising and grinding all over each other while you watch (for the results of the fight of course) with baited breath and yeah she may have had more than one drunk MMA wannabe make an awful inebriated pass at her but this one trick is sure to smooth all that over like melted butter on a baked potato. When all else fails, and she absolutely hates the entire night, just pray your savior is in the audience and hope that the camera shows former Strikeforce middleweight champion Luke Rockhold on the megatron or the HDTV (depending on your venue of choice). Bottom line, if she catches a glimpse of his “movie star” good looks, she just might forget her frustrations and forgive you for choosing UFC event over her.
Note: The author if this article is not a professional relationship counselor and any and all use of these suggestions are done so at your OWN risk!